7 Ways to deal with a break up

1. Accept the breakup

Most of the times, we are so invested in the relationship that even after it ends we keep rebuilding it in our mind hoping that someday it’ll be the same again.

Unfortunately that doesn’t happen 99% of the time. So the first step is to accept the breakup, accept that that person doesn’t exist in your life anymore as you want them to, accept that it is going to be painful coping up but there is no going back.

Accepting it will not only give you the power to cope up with the breakup but will also give you clarity of emotions, which we overlook most of the times while moving on from someone.

 

2.  2. Understand that it is okay to be devastated for a while

Breakups can be really hard, whether it was a 2-month relationship or 10 years one. You need to accept that even though it was for a short amount of time, it mattered to you, you invested time into in and hence it will hurt. And there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of to sit in your room for days and crying listening to sad songs if that will make you feel lighter. But it is also important to know here when to stop scooching in your blanket; which I will discuss later in the points ahead.

Give yourself enough time to heal, wet as many tissues as you want. Don’t be ashamed to show your emotions to yourself.

 

3. 3. Don’t run away.

As much as you think running away from your ex would be helpful, it’s mostly not. Because at some point in your life, you would either run into them on the street or see them in someone else’s pictures and at that moment, your 10 months of hard work will come crashing down, because while moving on you didn’t face them, and just ended up ignoring your feelings instead of ending them in a healthy way.

It is perfectly okay to remove them from your social media but don’t change schools or neighbourhood because it makes it hard for you to see them every day.

The bravest way to get over a breakup is to give up all your defenses first and then rise up picking up new weapons. This confidence will not only get you through the breakup but will also make you happier after you’ve finally moved on because ‘yay you're proud of your Lil heart!’

 

4.     4.  Don’t materialize the memories

As much as you would like to smell his hoodie all night, or reading the letter she gave you, it will only make you go steps backward.

Personally, I’ve held onto things from exes for more than 2 years and all it did was pull me back 10 steps behind when I moved 1 step forward.

It is important to realize that one should cherish the memories that are forever than obsess over temporary material things.

Don’t get rid of them immediately, process them for a while, get a little control of your emotions and then slowly work your way through discarding them. De-cluttering such a huge chunk from your room, will not only make you move on from them but will also give you a fresh start without the toxicity of the other person.

 

5.  5.    Know when to stop!

You’ve been in your bed, crying, binge eating ice-cream for far too long, which is not only making your parents get worried about you but also adding up to the negativity of the breakup.

It’s very important to let the tears out, but you need to set a limit for yourself, where you explain to yourself that you’ve been scooched up in the apartment for too long, you need to go out and face the world, without your ex-partner.

It takes different amounts of time to move on from an ex and only you can positively decide when the right time is to stop obsessing over them.

 

6.  6.    Avoid trash-talking about your ex or playing the victim card

As much as you would like to bitch about your ex to your friends, or feel like you’re better than them, it is only going to make you hate-obsess them and think about them more and more. Sometimes instead of trash-talking about your ex no matter how bad they were, it actually helps in objectively analyzing what went wrong in the relationship and the things you learned from the whole experience. Just make sure you’re learning from all this with the intention of growth.

As much as the person must have hurt you, thinking of yourself as the victim and looking at yourself and making others look at you with pity isn’t going to help you grow, it will keep you at the exact same point you were at the time of breakups.

As toxic as the breakups can be, there is a time limit, where you need to decide you need to move on, and if you don’t come out of the relationship stronger, you aren’t going to give yourself a room to grow in your next relationship or in your life in general. Being angry is fine, but then maturely taking ahead only the positives with you are what will make you stronger than the victim you thought you were.

 

7. 7. Pen down your anger and feelings

Imagine if you got one shot at saying everything you want to your ex, or getting a chance to vent down all that anger at them. Sounds good right?

Well, this idea is actually fun, because you need to write down all that you feel about your ex and about your breakup, vent it all out, don’t leave anything, write curse words if you feel like it, write that you miss them or still love them, write that you hate them BUT once you’re done writing that letter, DO NOT READ IT. Simply take the later and tear it as violently as you can, maybe dramatically throw the torn letter into the trash, but do not read it again. The idea behind this is, once you’re done puking everything out, you don’t want to take it all back in do you? the same thing applies here. Once you’ve vented out all your emotions, re-reading them will get them back in your mind, which is a big NO NO!

 

 I hope this helps in dealing with all those complicated post-break-up emotions!