Love for me

No matter who you are, what you’ve done in life, or what stage of life you’re at, there’s one thing you absolutely must include in your life. And that is self-care.

Without self-love, you will spend your entire life trying to please others and yet be left with the feeling of not doing or being enough for anyone; when you should actually spend time pleasing yourself. Being enough for yourself.

How can you make other people happy, when you yourself are stuck in the forever miseries of life? While you ponder on this question, I would like to ask you one more thing, what is wrong in being selfish?

 

Ignoring and abandoning your own needs to satisfy others is not a noble thing that you can boast about. It’s not something that you can proudly show off. Putting everything and everyone else above your physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual health is a sign of suffering and low self-esteem. If you are constantly worried about pleasing others, doing things that will satisfy them, and not you, it will only give you momentary happiness. But not looking after yourself will eventually make you end you up being in a constant state of misery. An important thing to know here is, where there is a feeling of self, there will be an existence of Selfish, its not something one should be embarrassed about. Of course, being unkind towards others in a different thing, but there is nothing bad in putting yourself above others.

 

Self-care is something we are never taught about in school/college and is often neglected by our parents, friends, or relatives while growing up. We are often taught in school about how to treat others; with respect, with kindness, to take care of your siblings and parents, to respect the elders and so on, but are we ever taught how we need to respect ourselves even in the toughest of times or how we need to be kind and forgiving towards ourselves? Take a few minutes to reflect: who taught you how to take care of physical, emotional, mental, AND spiritual needs when you were a kid? Or even an adult, living in a world where selflessness is appreciated but selfishness is demeaned. Most of us would be blank because no one taught us how to love ourselves, how to care for ourselves. And it’s high time we fill this gap and learn how to take care of ourselves before anyone else.

Why? Because no one else is going to do it for us!

1.     Give yourself a big hug

Keeping in mind all the times you’ve struggled, you should know that only you have been there for yourself. All those 3 a.m. tears that your pillows absorbed and all those crying reflections that your mirror absorbed, was because only you were there for yourself.

So next time, when you’re crying, or you’re low about something, imagine giving yourself a hug. Just close your eyes, and think about a happy you from the past, coming over to the crying/unhappy you and giving you a tight hug. Imagine yourself and not anyone else giving you a hug because that would be an illusion, that person may or may not be in your life so imagine yourself because only you know how to comfort yourself the best. Assure yourself that you’ve come really far, and to not give up because from here on, you are not going to give up on yourself.

2.     Be forgiving and kind towards yourself

 

How many times have we forgiven the people we love, even after they made mistakes that were practically unforgivable? Multiple times.

Why not do that with ourselves? Our “self” is the only thing that will live with us till the end of our times; everyone else just comes and goes. So why not take care of someone who is going to be permanent throughout your journey?

It’s never too late to start over. Forgive yourself. Understand that everyone makes mistakes. Yes even if you made terrible mistakes multiples time. Because who will forgive you if not you? Be kind towards yourself; know that you intend to get better and that you want to become a good person in your own eyes.

There is no good in spending your entire life in guilt, but once you’ve realized your mistake, forgive yourself. Tell yourself that it is okay, comfort you, and plan to do better in the future.

 

3.     Realize the presence of “me” inside you

People always made a big deal about someone act selfishly. I say if you don’t look out for yourself, who will?

Make a decision that affects you, keeping yourself in mind. Be kind towards others, but be kinder towards yourself. Don’t go around selflessly making decisions if you’re not happy with it. The other person may or may not be in your life, but you need to figure out a way to live with yourself peacefully, so don’t keep yourself unhappy or dissatisfied with someone else.

Mind you, self-love doesn’t mean arrogance or narcissistic behavior, it simply means that you love yourself, more that you love others, in a positive sense.

Never let yourself feel like you’re any less for anyone, have faith in yourself, even in tough times, and there will be a day when you’ll thank yourself.  

 

4.     Learn how to self soothe

 

Learn how to pleasure or calm yourself. Be It sexually or spiritually, know what you like, what works for you.

I’ve come across so many people who are always spending their time pleasing other people/their partner that they don’t even know until much later in life, what they like.

I would request you all to be self-sufficient for yourself. Friends/no friends, relationship/no relationship; regardless, feel complete with yourself.

Remember how much effort we took to find out what our boyfriend/girlfriend likes? Yes, take that much effort to find out what you like doing, and do it.

Engage in positive self- talk, ask yourself every now and then what you would like to do. Place your hand over your heart and feel the beats, know that it's beating for you, so it's your task to keep your heart happy.

 

5.     Connect with your soul

Accept your existence. Believe that you came with a purpose in life and tell yourself that you will not go unless that is fulfilled.

It is very important to satisfy your soul to be completely happy. You may not be very happy with the relationship you are in, or the way you look, or the extra weight you put on at a vacation; but if you are well connected to and in sync with your soul, you will always be happier than those who are not.

Recognize your inner self, question yourself often as to what do you really wish for in life and If the answer is not something you are doing right now, then its time to change that.

Be fully aware of your needs and wants and do the things that you love. Give as much as you take, let your soul feel the satisfaction and joy of giving to others.

All this may sound very philosophical, but trust me, the concept of soul is a philosophy in itself, so if you don’t believe in the idea of soul satisfaction, you’ll always find something missing even if you are mentally, emotionally and physically satisfied in life.

 

6.     Accept your flaws

How many times have we accepted the flaws of someone we love because we wanted to stick with them for longer? Many times.

Why can’t we do that with ourselves?

You yourself are the only person who can completely accept your flaws. Some flaws are beautiful and some can be worked on and improved. So why let someone else tell you what your flaws are? Acknowledge them and accept them for they are the ones that make the whole of you.

Whatever mistakes you made, whatever decisions you made, no matter how good or bad they were, they have affected the way you are today.

Like I mentioned in few of my previous posts, scars, and flaws are the thing you carry on for your entire lives, they define you.

So leave all the preconceived notions about you behind and start afresh.